i can't figure out how the moon is working... how come i can't remember to have learned anything about that? is it because i didn't pay much attention to that particular information, or is it because it was never given to me? we don't give the moon enough attention, in my opinion. the sun is getting all the light :)  ¶ 11:25 PM

  two minutes ago they telephoned to tell me i'm offered a job at the unemployment place. i haven't decided what to think about that yet. it seemed to be a nice place, with lots of co-workers (which i guess is a good thing when you're new at a place... you have lots of people to choose friends from :). what makes me unsure is that they've started talking about needing "more hours" at the school where i teach (they already have more students than normally, and they are expecting more people to come any day now), so there's a chance that i could get more work there. probably not a full-time job, but maybe i don't want a full-time job? especially during winter i don't think i'd mind working a little less... and the wages they offered are lower than what i have now. of course i don't get much money now, as i only work twice a week, but as far as i know the size of your full-time salary matters, even if you're working less than full time (as it affects the amount of money you get when you're unemployed, sick, have babies etc.). on the other hand it's not good working less than full time too long either, as that lowers your compensations...

i guess i have to start weighing pros and cons... but it's difficult, as i have no idea if the job would be fun or not... and that's what really matters, isn't it? niceness of co-workers and funness of the tasks... i know my co workers at the school, and even though they are nice i wouldn't really mind exchanging them. but i don't know if i'd find any nice colleagues at the other place either, so maybe i'm better off sticking with the old ladies i allready have? and i know that i don't find the tasks i have at the school extremely fun, but they are not extremely boring either. there are lots of things i can think of that woule be millions of times more boring than what i do now! maybe the unemployment thing turnes out to be one of those?

this won't be easy...  ¶ 7:46 PM

  during one of today's dog walks i felt that there was something missing, and after a while i realised what it was: i couldn't feel my back. i had forgotten that when there's no pain in the back you can't feel it... and the weird thing is; i almost missed it! i would almost have preferred a slight ache, to remind me that the back was still there :). i had left my belt at home, because i wasn't going for a very long walk, and i don't really like strapping myself up in it all the time, so i didn't even feel the stiffness of the leather against my hips.

i thought about this for a while, and decided that i can feel most parts of my body even though they're not hurting: the face feels the wind and the ears feel the cold, my chest and shoulders feel the weight of the jacket, and my arms feel the fabric as i move them back and forth, my legs feel the fabric of the jeans, the feet feel the ground and the hands feel the dog's leash and the cold. the only parts of my body i can't feel if they are not hurting are my head, my back and my stomach. i wonder if that's the reason why almost everytime there's a pain in my body it's in one of these three parts?...

after a while my back started acheing again, so everything was back to normal. only this time i missed the feeling of *not* feeling it... it's not easy to keep me satisfied :)  ¶ 8:10 PM

  yesterday we went to our second "pub evening" in the village. it started about 7 pm with surströmming (fermented herring), and ended with alcohol in different quantities. we finally met the people whose land we often cross when we're running. they were very nice, and invited us for coffee anytime we feel like it. we also signed up for buying parts of a dead moose (which we will get as soon as they have a dead moose to cut into pieces. this might take a while, since today was the last day of moose hunting until after their heat period). people were as nice as they were last pub evening, but i think the comsumption of alcohol was slightly smaller this time. maybe that explains the slightly smaller amount of friendly suggestions... this time we were mainly invited for coffee to different people, compared to last time when we were promised car reparations, cocks and lots of other things (most of which we haven't heard of since:)  ¶ 8:01 PM

  the rain is pouring down and the sun is shining. i haven't found the rainbow yet, but i suppose it has to be there somewhere.  ¶ 5:56 PM

  children are strange creatures...

on my way back to work yesterday (after having spent a few hours at a cafe, reading articles for my essay) i met a woman and a child, and i couldn't help but noticing that the woman was speaking in a language i though i'd never heard before. so i slowed down my steps to see if i could hear anything i would recognise in this funny language, and after a while a realised she was speaking swedish! in a really funny "grown-up-language-used-in order-to-talk-to-children" she was telling him (?) that he had eaten his banana. i found this stupid in many ways; * the child probably found out that there was "no banana" by himself, and if he didn't * her telling him probably didn't help much. if a grown up person (me) who has listened to swedish all her life had great difficulties in understanding what the woman said, i can only imagine how difficult it must have been for the little child to figure out what she was talking about... hopefully he didn't mind it very much. he probably liked the woman, and thought she was cute when she was making those weird strange noices.

as i continued walking after this encounter i kept thinking about this little boy. in some way he will (probably) soon be able to learn swedish, despite the help of this woman. and in a few years that banana smeard little thing will be a real person. now he is just a cute and soft little thing that women like to talk to in a funny way, but soon he might be a doctor or a murderer or a mecanic... and if he still has banana all over himself 15 years from now people will find him disgusting, but now they find him sweet. it's weird how people change... the very old and crooked little lady in our house has probably been a smeary little baby too, once upon a time.  ¶ 1:36 PM

  i have now finished the last lesson of the week, and am on my way to "my" cafe. i have a favourite place by the window, where i sit and plan for next week's classes and look at people passing by.  ¶ 12:36 PM

  i have almost decided to write my missing essay in pshychology this autumn. it's turned out to be a bit more difficult than i had thought, though. if you start to study the unemployment-thing wants their money back, and they don't care about what date you register to a course, they only care about what date the semester starts (probably so that i can't do all the work before i'm registered to a course, and in that way get a lot of money that i'm not entitled to). i didn't think this would be a problem though, as i have found out that you're allowed to study part-time and still be unemployed (and my essay is only 50% of a semester). unfortunately it turned out that it's impossible to register to just the essay-part of the pshychology course, wchich means i would have to register to the entire (full-time) course in order to write it. which means the unemployment people will consider me as a full-time student and i will have to give them their money back. which i don't want to.

anyway, there's a nice man who has offered to supervise me even though i'm not sure if i can register to the course yet (i'm still trying to find out if it's possible to register in the middle of the term without having to pay the money back from the beginning of august. but it doesn't seem like it). in that case i would register next term, when the essay is allready done (hopefully :).

in order to supervise me he wants me to write about something that interests him, which is language acquisition in children. it's a good thing i've been interested in that too, even though it's been a while since i thought about it... i would probably look at "diary children" (children to early child-language researchers, who based a lot of their research on their own children) with standardised instruments, to see if these children are close to the norm or if they are extreme in any way. at least that's what i think he wants me to do :). right now i'm reading throuh some articles he has sent me, and considering if this seems like something i want to do.   ¶ 2:08 PM

  today we talked about seasons in my class. many of the students come from countries that are warmer than sweden, and it was interesting to hear their opinions about our climat. we "decided" that winter in sweden is: half of october, november, december, january, february and march. spring is april, may and june. summer is july and hopefully big parts of august. and autumn is hopefully as little of august as possible, september and half of october.

we also talked about what there is to like about the different seasons, and strangely enough noone had anything nice at all to say about autumn...

the season-talk was only a small part of today's class, and i forgot about it until i resently went for a dog walk in the dark and wet autumn weather. while preparing for the walk with boots and rain coat i started thinking if there's really nothing about this season to like, and i decided that there isn't. but when i had walked for a little while i realised that there are a few things about autumn to like, after all. so i'm going to make a list, to read at times when i'm not so positive (those times will come, i'm sure).

things to like about autumn:
* bright colours everywhere you look
* funny sounds when the horses run around in the mud
* lots of birds everywhere, discussing where to go during the winter holidays
* i can wear my big, cosy slippers that are too warm to use during the summer
* it's possible to watch the sunrise without having to either stay up late or get up veeeery early
* i can drink tea from a big cup in the sofa, wathing tv (this is actually not as easy and cosy as it sounds, as i'm having some difficulties sitting, and haven't yet figured out how to drink tea while lying down...)

that's all i can come up with... but it's better than nothing :)  ¶ 7:27 PM

  the principals accepted my wage proposal, just like that. i didn't even have to argue about it. so of course i'm thinking that i should have asked for more (instead of being happy that i didn't have to go to a lot of trouble, and that my wages are now waaaay higher than they used to be)   ¶ 10:28 PM

  i have just come back from the physiotherapist. she's been consulting a couple of doctors again, and this time they've decided that i probably have some sort of foglossning (the "english" translation i've been able to find is: Diastasis Symphysis Pubis), even though i'm not pregnant and have never been. apparently that's possible. so i'm not allowed to run at all now (which is a bit sad as i've recently bought new jogging shoes... but as i'm almost always in more pain the day after i've run i guess it's a good advice). i'm also to continue walking with very short and silly little steps, which feels very stupid and probably makes me look like a little old lady... but if it helps i guess i can stand it. and i'm actually able to go for longer walks now than i've been for a while, so maybe the silly steps are good. i should continue using the big stiff belt thing too. it feels as if i'm sadling a horse every time i put it on... and she gave me some new exercises to do three times every day. there's no time for work :)  ¶ 5:03 PM

  horses look really funny when they lie down on their sides. their bodies look like big ballons, while their necks are so thin they're almost hidden by the grass.  ¶ 12:57 PM

  yesterday night the air smelled like winter!  ¶ 11:35 AM

  i tought a class of foreigners today, and they turned out to find the swedish vowels very difficult. so i promised to talk more about vowels on friday, and to bring some exercises for them, but i couldn't find anything interesting in the bookshelves at the school. and neither of the other teachers i talked to had anything to recommend... so i'm now searching the net for interesting things about swedish vowels. unfortunately it's much harder searching the net now that my back is not co-operating... i can't sit still very long, and i get impatient and give up quickly. soon i'll have to come up with something myself, which is probably much less work when i think about it...  ¶ 3:36 PM

  summary of today (this far):

the first elk was killed (a girl)

my first day at work
i'm going to teach a class of "swedish for foreigners", the beginners, who don't know much swedish at all.

i've got a big stiff "belt" from the physiotherapist,
and she's going to consult another doctor until we meet the next time. she seems to be more confused every time i see her... one of my legs is numb since a few days, and i'm having pains in my groin. this is aparently weird. i hope they'll be able to fix it soon.

it's tommy's mother's birthday

our neighbour hit his head in the exhaust pipe
when he was painting over the rust

our other neighbour was told that he won't get the job he's been hoping to get
(it might be me telling him that one of these days... if i do well att the "recruitment day" on thursday...)  ¶ 6:54 PM

  today is my last day as an unemployed. tomorrow at 10.30 i begin my life as a normal person again. (or at least part-time-normal)

today is also:
* the first day of the elk hunting season
* the first day of autumn (at least here in nyland. i could feel it clearly in the air as soon as i opened the door)  ¶ 10:33 PM

  i'm bleeding from my nose, my head feels as if it's filled with some sort of heavy gas and i'm totally exhausted. there's a strong wind outside, and lots of yellow leaves are flying by the windows. and i have a cup of warm tea on the sofa table, a warm purring cat on my tummy, a warm water bottle on my back, lots of chocolate to eat, my biggest warmest slippers on my feet and silly american soap operas on tv. sometimes it's great having a cold :)  ¶ 1:00 PM

  my friend jm said that this made him think of me... i chose to take that as a compliment :)



  ¶ 12:56 PM

  today tommy and i visited the second highest waterfall in sweden. we forgot the camera. but it was high, i promise.

we also visited ikea, willys, intersport, rusta, biltema, elgiganten, öb, stadium, mc donalds and another place which i don't remember the name of. and of course an old school that was now a flea market.

i bought the most expensive running shoes i've ever had. i'm almost afraid to use them...

we were too late to buy bags for our neighbour's vacuum cleaner, so i'm not looking forward to seeing him tomorrow...

and i've got a cold. but we bought honey, so i've decided to believe that that'll cure me during the night, so tomorrow when i wake up i'll feel as good as new.

not much more happened today.

of course, we saw the big lebowsky tonight. to help the tea and honey down.
  ¶ 12:10 AM

  i now know what "smoke on the water" looks like. i thought it meant the mist that you can see over water in summer evenings, when the water is warmer than the air, but now i have seen "real" smoke on the water. or maybe *in* the water... sometimes it looks as if the entire lake consists of smoke instead of water.... maybe it is some kind of mist, but very thin. you can't see that it's mist or that there's something above the water, it just looks as if the water is grey smoke...
  ¶ 3:00 PM

  i love cows. they are probably the sweetest people i've ever met. except for earwigs, of course.
  ¶ 11:49 AM

  i've just been to my first interview... (i thought it would be the first one ever, but yesterday i remembered that i've been to one before. at a hamburger place in gävle, when i was still in school. i didn't get the job, so i can't say that i have good experiences of interviews)

the interview was about a job at a home for young girls that are not very happy. next week i'm going to another interview, about a job telling people that there are no jobs. i've also been asked to work a few days at a school next week, but on my way biking home from långsele today i realised that i have the other interview on thursday... i'll have to see if there's anything to be done about that.

now i'm on my way to lay down on my massage mat for a while, because my back is killing me. the acupuncture only seemed to work once, so i'm afraid i've already used up my portion of un-pain... the physiotherapist is starting to become a bit confused. apparently my symptoms are a bit like those of "Diastasis Symphysis Pubis" (that's the first "english" translation of foglossning i found when i googled it quickly), only i haven't had any babies that i know of. she is consulting a doctor before our next meeting, to see if they can come up with something.
  ¶ 2:06 PM