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Tuesday, July 31, 2007
it's getting dark, so when i took the pup out to pee a minute ago i didn't see him properly. for a while he looked like a fifteen year old man. nice, he's still going to look good when he gets old.
he caught (and killed and ate) his first mouse too, the pup. a week ago he caught his first bird. until now he's only killed (and eaten) prey that's been more or less injured by the cats before he gets them. i don't really like the killer instinct... i mean, if his instinct simply told him to kill and eat sweet little innocent animals it would be slightly more ok, but does it have to tell him to torture them and play with them while they suffer?
¶ 11:15 PM
nights are allready getting darker. i don't want another winter, i don't want another winter, i don't want another winter!!!
today i left the pup home alone for real for the first time in his life. he slept. he still hasn't started to show any vital signs, and i've been at home almost an hour, cleaning out in the living room. maybe i should go and check if he's alive...
the husband is a fun person. he's incapable of putting together even the simplest little thing from ikea, and he turns into whiny five-year-old-tommy if he has to check the oil in the car and claims he doesn't know how to. but, now comes the fun part, he has buildt a wall and a shelf and started on a wardrobe with only wooden boards and screws! i was a bit worried when he started, but it looks really good. i'll show you pictures when he's finished.
have to get back to work... i'm working from home today, as the office is completely empty and spooky and i'm afraid i'll forget the alarm. unfortunately i didn't bring the laptop from work, as it's so heavy. i regret that now... maybe i'll go and get it later.
¶ 12:46 PM
is it normal, or is it just me? why do i start crying when i get upset? isn't my body supposed to help me deal with difficult situations?! in what way does crying help me when i'm upset, i wonder...? it only makes me more upset. i actually can't think of a single moment when crying could be good for anything. so why do we do it at all? i cry when i get tired, upset, sad, happy, relieved, frightened, i'm surprised i have moments of uncrying at all during winter. stupid body! i wonder if men have this problem? it would be kind of cute to see the big loud hunter men at work sit down on the kitchen floor and cry because they're too tired to cook :)
i'm not upset anymore, for your information :)
¶ 10:38 PM
the vacation at the cottage turned into more work than vacation... of 12 days i worked 7. but it was nice anyway.
saw a bröt on our way to the cottage
the first day at the cottage was cold, so the pup and i worked in bed for a few hours. when the batteries were dead we just rested and read books and listened to the rain. in the evening tommy came home with a friend who stayed a few days.
the sun was shining for a while, so i decided to have vacation :) and then i went to a wedding (while the pup went to a pabtism)
borrowed electricity for the computer in "the barn" in fällfors. the screen behind the fence shows a webcamera drowned in the byske river
the rain stopped for a little while, so i worked in the "garden" until the batteries died...
...and continued at "work"
a helicopter landed at the parking place outside "work". it looked black and smudgy, so i guess there was something wrong with it...
...then the batteries to the cameraphone died. but the rest of the week continued pretty much the same way, with the exception of the weekend. saturday and sunday was a big "party" with tommys' father's sisters and brothers and their children and grandchildren. lots of people! the pup turned out to be great at parties, and especially a cousin of tommy's was very impressed. there were millions of little children around him too.
¶ 3:29 PM
i'm home! i've only been away less than two weeks, but it still felt great to come back. the new little rose bush has it's first flower, the oldest little orchid that i nearly killed a few years ago is full of pink flowers again, and when we opened the door we met the horrible/nice smell of the hoya. i wonder if the plants have missed me, and wanted to welcome me home, or if they started to flower out of relief that i left...
¶ 7:29 PM
i've been working from home this afternoon. why don't i do that more often?? what could be cosier than being surrounded by three sleeping boys, on a fluffy blanket in the sofa, with a cup of coffee and a chocolate bar on the table, the laptop on my lap, the tv showing sopas like boston public in the background, the rain rattling against the window and the fog making sollefteå disappear in white smoke?
after two weeks of "negotiation" the boss and i have finally agreed on my wages. feels good, even though i had planned to get more. you should have heard me, though. i was *so* brave and good! i nearly handed in my notice (had it signed and all on my desk)!
money stopped being the issue after about 4 days, and after that it was just a matter of who was the most stubborn. and i learned that i am much more stubborn than i would have guessed... probably more than what's good for me. i really would have handed in my notice if he hadn't decided to surrender in the last minute. even though i really really like this job. not because i necessarily need more money, but because it would be impossible to stay after the discussions we've had.
the things that matter for me when i choose a job are nice colleagues, fun work, and acceptable wages. but if the boss discusses like an old green stupid officer (i.e. gives order and doesn't listen to my opinions) i'd rather have a job that pays less but where i feel that my work is appreciated. and if the boss calls me in the middle of a meeting and laughs scornfully and asks if my knees are shaking yet and sounds as if he would pat me on the head if he only had the chance i can't take it, no matter what the alternative would be.
so i knew i would have to either get him to agree to give me at least 2 sekr more than he wanted, or quit. fortunately he finally decided to accept my final offer, which means i'll get about 1000 sekr more than his final offer. not much, but fortunately it's not the money that matters. i won, and that's what counts in this fight :)
and he was really nice when he talked to me yesterday. and said that he might be incompetent. and i didn't disagree. but i'm probably going to hate him at least two or three more days anyway.
even though i've been so angry these last two weeks that i've been constantly blushing, two good things have come our of it. One: the boss had to give up. i don't think he's used to that. two: i've learned that i can be really good at standing up for myself when i feel i have to. if he had been nice and kind i would have accepted much lower wages than i did now, but if someone tries to patronise me i get upset, apparently (just for your information. from now on i'm mean :)
¶ 2:20 PM
this weekend i've seen several of my colleagues naked. we had a 24 hour birthday party in the woods to celebrate two of the boys turning 40 and 50. i knew that their parties often end up with everyone being naked (i've seen the pictures in the "parties" map), but somehow i had expected a little less bare skin at the parties from now on... but people started getting undressed before dinner! i guess it's a good thing they don't feel they have to change their behaviour too much with a girl around...
it wasn't just the getting undressed part that differed between my idea of a nice party and that of my colleagues. physical abuse, for example, would not even come to my mind when planning a birthday party. the birthday-boys this weekend were shot with paint ball guns so much they were full of red swollen marks and bleeding wounds. if that had happened to me i'd probably cry, but these two brave hunter men laughed and said they'd had lots of fun.
after the physical abuse in the woods the party continued at a nice little cottage next to a lake. we had lots to eat and lotser to drink, and went in and out of the sauna and the lake and gossiped and solved each others problems. the boys turned more and more into girls the more they had to drink, and some of them were really concerned about their friends' lives (apparently a few of them are getting divorced at the moment). i thought that was kind of cute.
me and four others went to bed at about five in the morning, and one of the people we shot at woke us up at 9.30 by banging saucepans over our heads.
¶ 3:08 PM
i'm erika, and this is my own little blog. i'm married to tommy, and we have two cats named galdor and kala bhalu, a puppy dog named sasoh and a few chicks. we also have five angels: love, arne, anton, bob and teo.